The Way My Mind Works

Nothing quite beats nightmares after you come off anti-anxiety and antidepressants.

I had one last night, woke up, spent half an hour worrying about what it was about and that spiraled down to being scared, insecure and a feeling of general hopelessness. Boyfriend was very concerned about this.

Needless to say, neither one of us went back to bed after that.

I had to go to the studio with my mind still suggesting everyone hated me for not making it to work on Friday, and I'd be thrown out and I'd end up homeless and alone. Normally, that's a bad thing. Except this time I realised what I was doing and managed to at least point out to myself that I might be taking it a bit far.

Going to the studio took care of the majority of all my worries. People were just the same as ever, there was fun, sunshine and friendliness.

My stamping could use some work, so I spent half an hour stamping 'OOPS!' in big red capitals on my ruined nails. Remember how I filed them down to painful little damaged red things? Yeah, I'm down to the last few millimeters of damage, but that means my nails are splitting, tearing, breaking and generally being a pain. No gel, no tips, just stamping.

I even managed to make a few nails I liked, even if it took me ages to make them, half of which was spent trying to manipulate the thin gel brush into doing what I wanted it to. One of them might even be sort of suitable to be actually used on people.

Occupational therapy with an educational angle.

Next I went home. Boyfriend was asleep. I took out Iggy, pumped up my tire, took Iggy and the pump back inside and then went to Lidl, looking for soup veggies without brussels sprouts. I found some. Then I found a bathrobe, which was affordable and the lack of which had been bothering me at least once a week for the past month. Then I found breadcrumbs, minced meat, cherries... Yeah, dinner was fixed.

Except we had no nutmeg.

I went back home and crawled into bed with Boyfriend, needing snuggles and time to think if I'd risk making meatballs without nutmeg. I miss nutmeg. I don't get why there's no nutmeg in Lidl. Nutmeg is amazing in lots of things. I wanted nutmeg.

So I guess tomorrow, I'll find some nutmeg and make some meatballs.